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Naked Sandra Bullock lectures Chelsea Handler

Wow, Chelsea Handler‘s pulling out the big guns for the new season of her show, Chelsea Lately. First Gwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz rapped about her. Now she’s naked in the shower with Sandra Bullock

Sandra bullies Chelsea in the skit, telling her “stop calling yourself the white Oprah,” and “stop sleeping with your guests.” 

“That’s why I don’t want to do your show. I don’t want to sleep with you,” she jokes. 

“I don’t sleep with that many anymore,” replies Handler, “just some of the rappers.” (Handler dated 50 Cent last year.)

“You have a responsibility to be a respectable talk show host, okay? This comes directly from Oprah’s mouth to my ear, to my mouth, out of my mouth, into your ear, down your body, out your vagina, up my vagina and out my ass,” Sandra shouts. “You have a responsibility to be a role model to young girls and gay and questioning men,” the Oscar winner tells her. “And you need to lay off the booze.” 

“I’m not drinking nearly as much as I used to drink,” says Chelsea …

To see the skit in its full glory, click here.

Dlisted channels RiRi

Dlisted‘s take on Rihanna‘s Vogue interview makes me giggle: “here are just a few of the eloquent quotes that fluttered from her mouth like a delicate butterfly on a soft warm breeze. And because some of you may not speak butterfly, I took the liberty of translating for you.

“I would love to go on a date. You don’t think that? I’m a woman. A young woman, vibrant, and I love to have fun. And I have too many vaginas around me at this point.”
Translation: Chris Brown never takes me anywhere. And I’m tired of him and his friends all up in my house.
“No one asks. Trust me on that. I’m waiting for the man who’s ballsy enough to deal with me. I’m going to wait, though. You always find the wrong shit when you go looking.”
Translation: Chris never takes me anywhere. And he is all pencil frank and no beans.
About her re-kindling her friendship (read: they’re totally fucking) with Chris after her infamous 2009 beat-down, she said:
“(fans are) not on the inside. They can’t see what I see, unless they’re sitting in my point of view. I guess I’ll learn to accept that.”
Translation: You can’t see what I see, because looking through black eyes makes things kinda blurry.”
Sean Penn’s renewed lust for Madonna
If you believe Radar Online (and many people don’t) Sean Penn is pining for his ex, Madonna. I’m loving this little gossip gem: ”Thursday night was October 11, 2012, but it felt like 1985 all over again for Sean Penn!
The Oscar winner sat front and center at his ex-wife Madonna‘s Staples Center concert and sources tell RadarOnline.com exclusively that the look of love (or lust!) was in his eyes.

“He was practically panting,” an eyewitness tells Radaronline.com exclusively. “Every time she thrusted or bent over, he was like ‘Oh, man! I can’t take this! She is too hot!’”

“Just like old times,” joked Tom Hanks‘ wife,Rita Wilson, who attended the show with Sean and friends. “You’re not kidding,” Sean replied!

“He was practically panting,” an eyewitness tells Radaronline.com exclusively. “Every time she thrusted or bent over, he was like ‘Oh, man! I can’t take this! She is too hot!’”

Meanwhile, I’m all lip-curly over the news that when it was time for her nightly striptease at the concert, Madonna revealed a new tattoo: “MALALA.”

Malala Yousafzai is a 14-year-old Pakistani girl who was shot in the head by Taliban gunmen. The young activist, who was campaigning for girls’ rights to education, remains in a coma.
Sounds like a distasteful and highly inappropriate publicity stunt by Madge if you ask me …

Tina Fey to host The Golden Globes!
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have been announced as the hosts of the next Golden Globe Awards. The president of NBC said:
“Having both Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on board to host this year’s festivities is a major coup. Tina and Amy have a proven chemistry and comedic timing from their many years together on SNL to their successful co-starring roles in Baby Mama.”
In a statement to Entertainment Weekly, former host Ricky Gervais said: “Good luck to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler at the Golden Globes. After failing three years in a row to make E! Channel’s Best Dressed list, I decided to hand over the reins. Let me know if you run out of Scientology gags.”

Hot pics & clicks

* Wolverine struts his stuff Gangnam style! Meanwhile, see a Ghostbusters/Gangnam mash-up here (its disturbing how attractive I find Bill Murray in that film clip)

* Kirstie Alley jumps out of a cake on Dancing With The Stars, but still underwhelms on the scoreboard.