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Twofer Twosday: Counting to Two with Kelli Garner

The Sawx cleaned house.  Isaac cancelled one day of the Elephant party.  The J E T S still have not found the endzone.  Apple won a law suit.  Neil Armstrong took another giant leap and Ann Romney got Secret Service.  That is pretty much the last week in review. 

But perhaps the saddest news of the week as far as we here at the Shitz offices are concered came with the passing of Count von Count.  That little purple pointy eared Transylvanian with the three fingers will forever hold a special place in my heart; for it was he who taught me at an early age how to count to two.  I’ll never forget that day when he pointed at Maria’s chest and uttered those words “One, Two.  Two titties under Maria’s shirt.”   Oh, that never happened?   Ooops.   ah ah ah ah.    The Count leaves behind his wife Countess von Backwards and his cat Fatatia.  He is also survived by an Uncle Uno and his Countmobile.  Oh the fukkin Count!  Gonna miss you little buddy. 

With that out of the way, howzabout we get to the Twofer bizness of the day?  This week’s cover girl is pretty much an unknown.  For you fantasy football douchebags, you would call her a sleeper pick.  A super rack nobody ever talks about but should.  I know not much about Kelli Garner except that she is too buttoned up in her show Pan Am.  Girl has got to let the twins out to breathe and she will be a lottery pick in no time. 

If Pan Am had more bar scenes that were chin deep in Kelli’s cleavage (below), it would never have been cancelled… even with this ”the guy in the white just shit himself” expression on her face. 

Sorry, but how can you not go crazy for a chick who has the fukkin’ hootzpah to stand in front of a  Disney/ABC banner and just unbotton that top, touch her elbows together and show Mickey Mouse that Minnie ain’t got shit.  That’s right Magic Kingdom… I’ve got your Thunder Mountains right here!!!

Aaaahhh… the white tank.  There are some who call it a Guinea-tee and others who call it a wife beater.  But since I am not here to offend Italians or Chris Brown, I’ll just call it only the greatest piece of clothing evah!!!!!
Every week, we like to put our cover girls through a series of tests to see is they are worth their salt and deserving of such bloggery acclaim.  There’s the t-shirt test, the commando under the wife beater tank test, the air conditioner test and my favorite exam of all – the How Do They Look With Their Boobs On My Face Test.  Came up with a new measuring stick (heehee, stick) this week…  the Throw Your Girls Over A Chair Test.  And we have a winnah!!!!
Hey now ya assholes…  enjoy your Twosday.  TOMORROW WE HUMP!!!

Leaving you with a gif file of a exactly how to wear a button down shirt.