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RHOBH – I’m Closing for Jennifer Lopez – Paris Hilton

Happy Friday! Now, let me know if you disagree, but wasn’t this week’s RHOBH really boring? This show is going downhill fast. I will go ahead and give them grades, but I feel like we’ve already talked about all this stuff before. So it’s just getting really repetitive to talk about the same bullshit every single week. We need to move on, ladies! And gentlemen! Can I just shout out Paris Hilton and her “closing” for J.Lo? Yeah. She actually said that. Here are the grades!

Kyle (and Mauricio): Thank you, Kyle for telling Mauricio to can it at the dinner. Were you tipsy, Mauricio? That’s the only reason I can think of that you wouldn’t just shut up after all the chaos died down. Kyle, you were actually pretty tame this week, but I was disappointed you didn’t make one Mannequin joke the whole time you were at that store. LOL! At the gallery, you definitely werked that headband/hippie look. I’m not saying it was the best fashion choice you ever made, but you werked it. Mauricio, I liked the bottle of gin as a peace offering, but you are too damn sensitive! Lisa made it clear they had to leave and it had nothing to do with you. It was awkward because you and Kyle are clearly on Adrienne and Paul’s side – but you chose that side! You can’t be mad when you get a little static because of it. Kyle and Mauricio’s grade for the week: C (Kyle was alright but Mauricio got on my last nerve).

Lisa (and Ken): I loved that you both were so unbothered by the whole Mauricio thing, to the point where his bottle of booze barely registered! Hilarious! But still, it was a nice gesture so maybe a bigger thank you was in order. You two just make me laugh and I love that you defend Brandi but you also back off when necessary. You two have bigger things to worry about than this drama. Lisa and Ken’s grade for the week: A (I love them, so sue me!).

Adrienne (and Paul): It’s hard to really relate to you (both of you) right now because of the secrecy, because of the divorce, and because of the whole dating Rod Stewart’s son thing. I’m just saying. But based on the brief appearance you made on this episode, you’re standing united against Brandi’s statement, which we still don’t know what that even was, but ok, you’re not going down without a fight. We get it. It’s just hard for me to sympathize with people who won’t even give us the story from their own perspective. How am I supposed to be on your side when I don’t know what your side is? Adrienne and Paul’s grade for the week: Pass (I can’t grade them because I feel like there’s too much I don’t know).

Brandi: Thank you for finally getting up and walking away from that shit show of a dinner. You had to put a stop to all the back and forth about something that is ultimately your move to make. You are speaking to your lawyer – who is talking to Adrienne’s lawyer. End of story. At the gallery, I liked how you were being very friendly to everyone and inviting everyone to Vegas. Nice gesture, absolutely. About Marisa, I can see where you’re coming from, but you have to stop blurting out what you think about other people’s relationships. It’s ok to not state every single opinion you have (says the blogger who hands out imaginary report cards to reality stars every week). Brandi’s grade for the week: B (she has to be careful with expressing herself and maybe work on getting a filter as soon as possible).

Taylor: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. You always have to make it about you. Put down the wine and pick up the phone and call your therapist. This is just getting crazy. You have such animosity towards Yolanda because you can’t stand that she has her shit together. How dare you comment on her marriage, which you know nothing about, and furthermore, who are you to imply anything based on David’s marriage to your friend? That whole scene was ugly and you came across as a crazy, jealous nutcase. Please, focus on yourself and do not spout off your sob story to get the spotlight back on you … with that said, you were totally fine at the gallery where … you were drinking water! Stick with water, hun. Taylor’s grade for the week: D (she made a complete ass out of herself at the dinner but was ok at the gallery).

Yolanda: It takes a certain kind of person to work so well with their ex, so I give you lots of credit. I have to bring this up, even though I know you won’t care, but your comment to the construction guys at Mohammed’s house was a little out of line. You aren’t the first to say they need to learn English, and you won’t be the last, but let’s be real. It’s not for you to tell anyone what they need to do. You’re in California (so am I) and the whole bilingual thing is a sore subject that maybe you’re not aware of. A lot of these guys just want to go to work, do a good job, and leave it at that. They’re not trying to get approval or English lessons from you. In a sense, who are you to tell them what to do? They’re doing their job. And if you want English speaking workers, that’s who you should hire. Just saying. I loved the finished product, by the way. Yolanda’s grade for the week: C (her comments about learning English didn’t sit well with me, but that has more to do with my background and history than it has to do with what she said).

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!